Trust the Process!

I was working at a nursing school when one of the students asked me if someone had ever called me back to discuss the application process. I told her no, that I had left multiple messages and sent countless email, but heard nothing and was convinced that the person in question had given up and I would never hear from her. The student looked at me and said “She’s scared. When she realizes that this isn’t scary, she’ll call. Until then, we all have to Trust the Process.”

I immediately took the phrase for my own. In the beginning, it became a running joke with a colleague. Anytime something went south, we would smile slightly hysterically at each other and chant “Trust the process!” When one of us became depressed, we would remind each other to “Trust the process!” When I would have full blown anxiety attacks at work because the job had turned toxic, I would place sticky notes with “Trust the Process” all over my desk. And when I was let go because my position was eliminated in a budget cut, I vowed to “Trust the Process.”

I’m not going to lie to you. Trusting the Process is not easy. It is not without fear and anxiety. It requires constant practice and reminding. There have been many moments in the past six months that I’ve resented Trusting the Process. That I’ve had tantrums about Trusting the Process. That I’ve broken down and cried because I didn’t think I would survive Trusting the Process. That I’ve had too much beer in an attempt to forget about Trusting the Process.

And here I am, almost six months to the day after experiencing the first time being let go from anything in my entire career. I’m alive. I’m healthy. I’ve learned to listen to and value myself. I’m about to start working again. I’m throwing myself into new ventures. My world didn’t end. In fact, it’s reborn.

What is “Trusting the Process”? It’s faith on steroids. It’s firmly believing that you will always end up where you are meant to be.  It’s being able to look at negative outcomes you’ve experienced and know that you needed to experience it as part of your personal education. It’s having a belief system that lets you pick yourself up quicker than if you didn’t have it.

I’ve shared how Trusting the Process has integrated in my life. How does it show up in yours? Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear your experiences with Trusting the Process.

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How Will I Live?

As part of  #Quest2015, Todd Henry asks “If you knew that your life’s story will be written based on your choices and actions inn 2015, how will you live?”

Deliberately. Seeking desire and paying careful attention to the whispers of my soul. The path of my journey is before me, waiting for my next step to fall upon it. I have no map, no street signs. My GPS is made of songs and memories and love. My steps are solitary but I am never alone. My years of sleep are over. It it time to take the dreams I’ve squirreled away and weave them into the warp of my  everyday extraordinary life.

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New Year, New Word

For the past couple of years, I’ve been participating in Ali Edwards’ One Little Word class. Last year I gave up on it because I never got past choosing my word. Life got in the way. A year later, I’m in different space, and I’m going to try again, not because I didn’t last year, but because this year especially, it’s a tool I’m going to use to create the life I’ve been dreaming of. Because I never used the class I paid for last year, I’m going to spend 2015 exploring myself with this word using the 2014 class prompts.

January’s prompts were simple: Declare your word, take a self-portrait, define your word, include a quote featuring your word and then journal about your word.

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Text from the layout:

“The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune’s spite; revive from ashes and rise.”   Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra quotes (Spanish writer, author of the masterwork ‘El quijote’, 1547-1616

noun (In classical mythology) a unique bird that lived for five or six centuries in the Arabian desert, after this time burning itself on a funeral pyre and rising from the ashes with renewed youth to live through another cycle.

I chose Phoenix because after everything I’ve experienced between September 2013 and now, I feel like the next logical step is a complete rebirth.

In what way is Phoenix already a part of my life… since I’ve already walked through fire, it’s natural to think of the Phoenix as the image to take me on the next stage of my journey.

What do I want more of in 2015? Positive growth, chances to have the better life I’m trying to create, health.

What do I want less of in 2015? Fear. Loss. Anxiety. Being stuck and trapped.What most excites me about 2015? It’s new. It’s unwritten.

What do I most fear about 2015? That it will be a continuation of 2013 and 2014.